There is good news for members of the saffron clan. There is good news for crusaders too. The pontiff, if rumours are to be believed, is not here to convert - he is here to get converted.
According to highly unreliable sources in the saffron camp, a deal to this effect was struck between the Christian boss and the Hindu bosses about a month or so back. It was a perchance happening, he said. The day that the website of one of the constituents of the saffron brigade was launched, the Pope had logged into the chat room and had refused to be elbowed out. A Hindu boss had inaugurated the site.
Each tried to preach his religion and each was successful in convincing the other. The Pope expressed his innate desire to give up his religion and become a Hindu while the pracharak boss too agreed to become a Christian. The two upholders of their respective religions decided to keep the matters under the lid till "time was ripe" to blow it off.
Only one bone of contention, the source said, remains. The sadhus want the pontiff to grow a shaggy beard. The latter has threatened to go on a hunger strike if the demand were to be persisted with. "I have always been cleanshaven," he is reported to have said. He cannot grow equally long hair too, give his almost bald pate. The langot-wearing sadhus too have a problem with wearing robes. A metre of cloth used to be enough for us, they said, and added with disgust that they would now need a kilometre.
The source, who desperately wanted to be quoted but would not give his name, asserted that this (the reciprocal conversions) was the only way there can be gobal communal harmony. Both sides forsee the outbreak of communal riots and, hence, have decided to go ahead with the plan surreptitiously. There were indications that if the news were to be broken (he, he, we have already done that), Hindus would start bashing up Christians here while non-resident Hindus would be beaten black and blue elsewhere.
Giving details of the deal, he said that the two sides have decided to launch an annual exchange programme. Under this programme, five Christian priests will come to Hinduland and embrace Hinduism. Five Hindu pandits, under the reciprocal arrangement, will fly to Christiandom to become Christians. Since both religions are essentially patriarchal, it has not yet been decided whether women from both sides of the religious fence will ever get the chance to participate in the programme, he divulged. The quota lobbyists from both communities are now asking for 33 per cent reservation for women in the scheme. The problem, the source revealed, was that there were not enough women fanatics on either side. "There always seems to be a dearth of good babes," he regretted. There are not enough good sanyasins or nuns to be nominated, he pointed out.
The dealers have another problem on their hands - from dear old commies. Irked that they have been left out of the deal (and hence, no chance to fly to Europe to see European babes) thay are planning to launch a revolution. It will be a people's democratic revolution, commie sources whispered. There is no problem with us since most commies in India are not atheists anyway, the sources said.
